Night Cap

Night cap- When a person drinks alcohol at the end of the day or before bed.

I use to drink you.

Now I listen to you, watch you and sometimes am intimate with you.

I know you in many forms. Coming in and out of my life taking a new form every time.

Usually when I think I’ve gotten rid of you you’ve already found your way back to me.

You’re a distraction. An escape. You give me a place to go when being with myself becomes uncomfortable. You offer me a way out when things get too complicated and I can’t think straight.

You allow me to put everything on pause when it all is moving too fast. You don’t last very long. You really should warn me when you are about to wear off so I can start preparing for the next version of you.

I’m actually the one that creates you. You are my night cap and I form you out of anything that I can find. Whether it’s a song I really like or a Tv-show I just got hooked on. Or a person that makes me feel calm.

Night caps use to work for me. I was an expert at finding a new one. When one ran out I was on the grind for another. Never leaving myself unsatisfied.

In March my heavenly Father told me to cut it off. He said cut everything off and focus on me. Give me a chance to be someone you can listen to. Drink me in, allow me to be intimate with you. Watch me so that you can become like me. I’ll be your escape. I don’t run out, I don’t wear thin, I am consistent.

Hearing God say those things to me I knew I was at a turning point in my life. A moment of surrender. I have to give my all to him including the things that I think sustain me. I don’t know why I’m so afraid. My night caps they don’t sustain me. So what now? What happens when I surrender the night cap?

I’ll let you know.